"Wait here and Dr. Rape will be in shortly to work on you."
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Dr. Rape
Alabama or Auburn
One thing you learn "real quick" when you move to Alabama is the whole Alabama v Auburn rivalry.
For the uninitiated- The University of Alabama and Auburn University are the two big schools in the state. They have (American) football teams. They are rivals.
For someone like me who a. does not care about sports and b. Auburn/ Alabama whaa? who cares?
social life can be a bit challenging.
Even something as mundane as ordering cable service can become... oh well-
hers what happened.
Me: I'd like to order cable and internet please.
Cable person: (Strong Southern drawl- SSD) Okay- did you want basic or digital.
Me: Digital with HD. Are BBC America and Sky sports included?
(the beeb is the only channel I care about and sky sports is for J's footie obsession).
Cable person: Yes.
Lots of back and forth about address and turning down a land line which apparently stumps the cable lady since "its a bundle" (sigh). Also this whole exchange is lengthened/ complicated by the fact that I can't understand half of what she is saying (SSD).
Finally- I think we have everything wrapped up and she says:
Cable person: Auburn or Alabama?
Me: ( Thinking furiously)- ummmmm Birmingham?
Cable person: (Exasperated)- Ma'am- Auburn or Alabama?
Me: (Thinking she is trying to check on our address) We are in Birmingham. Alabama. Our street address is *****.....
Cable person: (interrupting)- no Ma'am- (Slowing down even more - like she's trying to explain this to a retarded 2 y.o)- Auburn or Alabama?
Me: looking around in panic for J- can't find him.... Damn... uh huh Alabama?
Cable person: Thank you Ma'am. We'll have the service team there between blah blah.... thank you for your business blah blah....
Me: OK Thanks.
I still have no idea what that whole Auburn/ Alabama thing was all about. I guess I passed the quiz 'cause she finally seemed happy with my answer. But I feel like a total moron when I hang up.
Well the service guys showed up and we have cable and internet and I forgot all about the bizzarre Auburn/ Alabama thing.
Then a few weeks later- we get a package from the cable company with a University of Alabama T-shirt and baseball cap. J asks me about it and I can't think why they would send us this stuff.
Then it finally dawns on me- she was trying to ask me which team I supported (Auburn or Alabama) so she could send me the right fan gear.
File this under: Living in Alabama.
For the uninitiated- The University of Alabama and Auburn University are the two big schools in the state. They have (American) football teams. They are rivals.
For someone like me who a. does not care about sports and b. Auburn/ Alabama whaa? who cares?
social life can be a bit challenging.
Even something as mundane as ordering cable service can become... oh well-
hers what happened.
Me: I'd like to order cable and internet please.
Cable person: (Strong Southern drawl- SSD) Okay- did you want basic or digital.
Me: Digital with HD. Are BBC America and Sky sports included?
(the beeb is the only channel I care about and sky sports is for J's footie obsession).
Cable person: Yes.
Lots of back and forth about address and turning down a land line which apparently stumps the cable lady since "its a bundle" (sigh). Also this whole exchange is lengthened/ complicated by the fact that I can't understand half of what she is saying (SSD).
Finally- I think we have everything wrapped up and she says:
Cable person: Auburn or Alabama?
Me: ( Thinking furiously)- ummmmm Birmingham?
Cable person: (Exasperated)- Ma'am- Auburn or Alabama?
Me: (Thinking she is trying to check on our address) We are in Birmingham. Alabama. Our street address is *****.....
Cable person: (interrupting)- no Ma'am- (Slowing down even more - like she's trying to explain this to a retarded 2 y.o)- Auburn or Alabama?
Me: looking around in panic for J- can't find him.... Damn... uh huh Alabama?
Cable person: Thank you Ma'am. We'll have the service team there between blah blah.... thank you for your business blah blah....
Me: OK Thanks.
I still have no idea what that whole Auburn/ Alabama thing was all about. I guess I passed the quiz 'cause she finally seemed happy with my answer. But I feel like a total moron when I hang up.
Well the service guys showed up and we have cable and internet and I forgot all about the bizzarre Auburn/ Alabama thing.
Then a few weeks later- we get a package from the cable company with a University of Alabama T-shirt and baseball cap. J asks me about it and I can't think why they would send us this stuff.
Then it finally dawns on me- she was trying to ask me which team I supported (Auburn or Alabama) so she could send me the right fan gear.
File this under: Living in Alabama.
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